Lockdown Guilt

Mar 24

I feel a bit excited. Is that wrong? Don’t throttle me all at once. It’s not the only thing I’m feeling by any stretch. I am concerned about the virus as much as anyone, especially for family and friends with some more vulnerable than others. And there is some excitement too. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t. The reason I want to share these thoughts with you guys is that If I’m thinking and feeling a certain way then the odds are some of you guys are too. We shouldn’t feel guilty about any thoughts and feelings that come up at this time.

I tell you what it is. It feels like I’ve been unplugged from the Matrix, or that habitual groove of everyday life. Let’s not kid ourselves, the future is looking a bit uncertain and there is a part of me that is afraid. But I would guess it is the unknown that is throwing up this feeling of excitement. It isn’t for the first time. I’ve always been the kind of loony tune who thrives when I’m hemmed in and constrained. I have no idea why.

Another thing is that my attention has flipped from being what I can do for myself to make ends meet on a daily basis to what have I got of value that could possibly be of benefit to others during this time? It’s as if my priorities have defaulted to what feels most natural. And if it feels natural it can’t be a bad thing.

Like I said there’s the inevitable uncertainty and fear too and what I know from personal experience, albeit I’ve never experienced anything like this, is I can, if I choose, refuse to be a victim to events. A big crazy fucking event for sure and an event at the end of the day. I can have concerns and keep my family safe and do what needs to be done and what’s the point of worrying? If my worrying serves a purpose and helps someone then I’ll happily worry into the dead of night. Sign me up. But it doesn’t.

Listen this virus isn’t something to be taken lightly. We’d have to be cuckoo to do that and the way I see it is I have a choice; I can sit here freaking out, waiting to be plugged back into the matrix where it’s safe or I can man up and take charge of how I’m going to be in relation to this thing.

Stay safe guys xxx