Never Ask A People Pleaser For Support
USE YOUR EGO
If you want support to achieve a goal first of all put it out there. Tell someone else about it. At least one other person. We sometimes view our ego traits as a negative thing and for sure it can hinder us if we don’t keep it in check but we can use it to our advantage.
When I talk about the ego here I’m referring to the part of us that perhaps feels superior and inferior in relation to others or the part of us that wants to be liked or doesn’t like to be embarrassed. So how does this work? Well, quite often the reason we don’t achieve or start moving in the direction of achieving our goals and dreams is that we are not accountable to anybody but ourselves.
BEING ACCOUNTABLE
We don’t tell anybody about it or we tell people who we know are not going to call us on our shit. If we say we are going to do something and don’t do it they will not want to hurt our feelings so will just keep their thoughts to themselves. So although we may have told one or two family members or friends about our ideals we are at the end of the day still not accountable. Not really.
If we are only accountable to ourselves, take it from me, we will never get much done. We may make a show of doing stuff but the reality is our progress will be laboriously slow if indeed we make any progress at all. We need accountability. We need a coach. It doesn’t matter if the coach is even skilled in what it is you want to accomplish. That’s not of great importance.
CHOOSE YOUR SUPPORT WISELY
When Andy Murray won Wimbledon I dare say he was probably a better tennis player than his coach. I’d also hazard a guess he never would have won if he didn’t have that coach's support. The most important thing is you choose someone who is going to be willing to feel uncomfortable in calling you on your stuff. So how is this using the ego to our advantage? Well if we choose someone to support us who we are a little apprehensive of let's say.
Someone, perhaps we look up to. Someone willing to tell us the truth as they see it then we will not want to go through the experience of having to fess up to them that we have not done what we said we were going to do. The truth is the person we get to support us will probably not feel any different about us whether we do what we say we are going to do or not.
WE DON’T WANT TO LOOK A CERTAIN WAY
That’s not the point though. The point is we don’t want to look a certain way in their eyes. Or rather our ego doesn’t. So we are using that negative (we don’t want to be embarrassed) as a positive (let's get this shit done). In short, don’t ask a people pleaser to support you. Ask someone who has a degree of self-awareness and willingness to put aside their discomfort to support you.
Disclaimer: Another reason we don’t ask for the correct support is that we are lazy bums by default. If you follow the advice above you’ll see that you will pretty soon have to get off your ass and do the work.
