Being Confident - What are we so Afraid of?

I Want More Confidence

(YouTube Video)

What is it about us strange humans that we want to play ourselves down. Why are we intimidated at the idea of being totally who we are? I mean stop for a second. Isn't that the truth? Why do we concern so much about what others think about us? Why do we shy away from experiencing everything that we are - diving into any sliver of excitement that comes our way but bolting like bolt at the first sign of discomfort? A few weeks before my photography workshop I send the participants a questionnaire so I can get a feel for where they are at with things before they attend.

The Dare workshop invites you to begin to look at what is in the way of them accomplishing what you want in photography and life. Like why haven’t you done it yet? What’s stopping you?

“I want to be more confident,” is an answer that pretty much every participant includes on that form. Confidence is something we look at closely at the workshop. Through various fun processes, we get to see that confidence isn't just about how we project ourselves or how we walk and talk. All of that stuff for me is best described as a symptom or a consequence of something else entirely.

The Secret

I’ll let you into a little secret that I’ve discovered after years of working with people in this regard: There is nothing different about what the shy person and the confident person is experiencing. What is different is how they respond to that experience. The confident person isn’t turning away from the full range of human emotion and what they are experiencing inside when with a challenging scenario.

Or at the very least the degree to which they don’t turn away is the degree to which they are confident. The so-called confident person is simply more willing to embrace the lower tones of experience as well as the higher tones. It is only when we can do that that we can become whole as a person. It is only when we bring awareness into play and are aware of how our feelings are causing us to think and automatically react in a certain way that we can choose to override that urge and respond instead.

Awareness and Choice

It is only through awareness that we have a choice. If we are not aware, we are more or fewer automatons, bouncing from experience to experience telling ourselves we are shy and that’s just the way it is. If we are unaware… we have no choice. Someone confident embraces all parts of themselves. It isn't that it's easy.

On the contrary, it takes a real warrior to be with themselves and the myriad of emotions, thoughts, and feelings that come up in situations that seem to screw around with our sense of equilibrium. You see, avoidance of all this inner noise is what we have come to call a lack of confidence. It is not the situation or people we fear … it is how we think and feel when in those situations.

The funny, (sad) thing is we don’t realize that the confident person is feeling all of that same stuff too, they simply have learned to be with that experience, often through practice. When we can be in that space of allowing ourselves to be as we are then in turn it opens the way for us to be able to express ourselves fully, without worrying about what others are thinking about us. We can live life to the full as they say. We’re not longer on our guard.

So again … what is it about us as humans that we are inclined to want to play ourselves down? Why are we intimidated by the idea of expressing ourselves fully? Why do we not feel good enough to be larger than life? Why do we seek the approval of others?

There is a wonderful passage written by Marianne Williamson that I will share with you here. Nelson Mandellas used the speech at his inauguration. I am not a religious person so when Williamson speaks of God in the passage I would invite you to simply allow it to fit your point of view. It resonated with me as a kind of universal truth.

Our Deepest Fear by Marianne Willamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us. We ask ourselves Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small Does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking So that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, As children do. We were born to make manifest The glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.

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